Hope

Please note: this entry was originally posted in Sept. 2006 at my other blog http://lulu-ahimsa.zaadz.com/blog

Yesterday, I had my heart torn in sadness, and I became a bit overwhelmed. It started in my English club. My friend and I do an English club here. I think of an activity for the first hour, he does an activity for the second hour. My activity was related to fairy tales. I don't know much about local fairy tales, so asked each group to act out or retell a local fairy tale. Well, when that was over, my friend Criss started a discussion. I don't read the papers or watch the news here because my Russian is not good enough to understand, so this came as quite a shock to me. Apparently, in the south, in a city called Shymkent, there was a pediatric hospital that was using blood that had not been screened for HIV. As a result, over 60 babies/children under the age of 4 years were given infected blood. I find this unconscionable, that in 2006, any people working in the heatlh profession could allow this to happen. It is a relatively simple matter to screen blood for HIV. In the states, I know that potential donors are screened even before they donate by asking them if they inject drugs. At this point, they would not be able to donate if they were IV drug users. The senselessness of this, of what these 60+ families will now have to go through because health care here is lacking in profressionalism (obviously), and doctor's have very little training before they begin to treat patients, overwhelmed my normal ability to cope, and I felt a huge emptiness and despair . The thing that makes me even angrier was the governmental response. The first thing they did was fire not only the head of the medical office for the region, but also for the country. Not because of the mistake, but to save face. Rumors are spreading that the woman who was head of the regional medical office is the sister of the mayor of Almaty, and that he too will be fired. Nothing about putting procedures in place, nothing about testing the blood remaining in the blood bank, nothing about screening potential donors. Just fire people. Save face. The worse thing about it is that here, people don't get jobs based on qualifications. They get jobs based on who they know or who they pay to get the job. So this woman probably wasn't skilled. She may not even have a medical degree. But she obviously knows someone, because her brother is the mayor of Almaty. So 60+ families will now have sick babies because she knew someone and was able to get the job through her connections. The sadest thing about it is that there is no dialogue, even in our English club last night, about what the problem is, the real problem -the corruption that continues to allow a system like this to work. A system where people who are not qualified get jobs because they are the right tribe, or know the right person, and then get fired because they cause a huge public mistake close to the President's visit to America. What will the government do for these families? I am not sure, but I can bet you there are no “cocktails of drugs” coming here to prolong the lives of the infected children. People here don't think they can make a change. They say, “what is the point of fighting the system. It won't change it, and I will just get in trouble. Besdies, we have the highest standard of living in Central Asia. Look at Turkmenistan! Look at Uzbekistan.” It is because things run on corruption here. You can buy your diploma even if you were never enrolled in the school. You can buy your driver's liscense. You can pay off cops. My friend was telling me a story the other day, and for me, it sums up the attitude here about creating change and helping. One night, he came home from hanging out with his friends and his dad was still up. They got to talking, and it got late. At about 3am, they heard a noise on the street. They live three floors up, so went on their balcony and looked out. Down on the street, thirty feet below, two men were beating a man on the corner. They beat him very badly, even after he stopped moving. Apparently, the guy was dead on the street corner. Dead. I asked my friend why he didn't yell down, “Stop” or something similar. He said he didn't want the two guys to run up to the apartment and beat him because he was a witness. Ok, I said, why didn't you call the police. You woldn't have to give your name. He said, “Why?” I said, “because you watched a man die a violent death. You watched two men beat him and you did nothing.” He told me, “Well, I guess it just didn't cross my mind to call the police. It's not my business” It's not my business. What do you say to that? This is what I said, “It is your business, because by doing nothing, you condone this murder. You are saying that it's ok that this happened. You are saying that as long as it isn't happening to you, its ok that its happening. But how long will it be before it is happening to you? And if it were happening to you, wouldn't you want someone to call the police.” He said, “No one would call the police.” Sometimes, I wonder if it is possible to create change. Last night, I felt for sure that it was not possible. I felt that there is just too much: too much violence, too much hatred, too much anger. Too many bombs and too many policies created that don't take into account the millions and billions of people they impact. I couldn't stop crying for the corruption that kills, and the mindset that allows both corruption and violence to reign unchecked. I couldn't stop crying because I felt that nothing will change it. Last night my faith in peace was shaken, but this morning, my resolve came back strong. I can not let helplessness overwhelm me, and I can not get cynical and jaded. I must continue on with my belief, naive it may seem to many, that peace is possible - in every aspect of every person's life. That corruption can be rooted out, and that people will begin to look outside themselves and realize that as long as any one person is oppressed, we are all oppressed. Because if I give in, I feel that it would be a huge loss, and violence and corruption will win out. If I give in, a big beautiful part of who I am would die inside of me. I would become someone else, and I am not sure I would like that person.